Lexin

I spent some time this lunchtime clicking through the options on buying sewing patterns. Hush, those of you who (justifiably) point out that I have a box of sewing patterns as yet unsewn. You can't have too many.

Or, perhaps you can take heart; it seems that even if a fat bird chooses to make her own clothes, there are few options. Perhaps it's me being too optimistic, but all that I could find seemed to be a variation on 'sack, tied up with string'.

Pull on trousers, yes. I can understand that women of more corpulent dimensions prefer not to do battle with zips on a daily basis. In general, I prefer that option myself. Still worse is that variation known as the 'side zip'. Preserve us, please, from the evil of the side zip – the last thing I want in the morning is to have to tie my arms in knots to get the zip to fasten. (And has anyone but me ever had one of those frocks where the zip is under the arm? Nightmare! I just don't have the spoons for that at any time.)

Having said that, why is it not possible to get frocks with swishy skirts for larger women? Why are we condemned to pencil or A-line skirts? It's not as if they make us look any less fat.

And that's the crux of it; I'm fat, I'm going to have to clothe a fat body. I've noticed this. But I don't want clothe it in variations on a sack. I can't make it look thinner (I don't believe your 'slimming cut' bollocks, I've been had by that before) but I want it to look shapely and interesting. Is it too much to ask?