Seeking the perfect job

Having written out for information on the current position on filing and listened to colleagues telling me that “we don’t have time for this”, I’m rather nervously waiting for replies as long as “War and Peace”. This is not what I want. All I want is a few well chosen (and truthful) words on where we are with our filing in case the filing fairies (otherwise known as an audit team) come dancing in demanding to know why our files aren’t up to date. It’s very simple. Colleagues, eh?

I’m coming to think that the ideal way of working would be to have a job where I work in a room on my own, self-employed. And even then I’d have customers, who are annoying in a whole new way. A job with no colleagues and no customers would be perfect. Lighthouse keeper, except that lighthouses are automatic these days. Cormorant wrangler on a remote island except that that would be wet and involve walking about in the rain covered with bird poo. Other ideas considered in comments.